Baby Loss
Hello, I’m Chloe and this is my daughter Daphne who is one. Almost two years ago we lost our first son Leo, 5 months into my pregnancy when my waters broked prematurely (PPROM). Unfortunately, this was just 4 weeks prior to what is classified as “viable” gestation. I don’t think anyone could prepare you for the days, weeks and months that followed. I am so grateful to my amazing friends and family who rallied, texted endlessly, dropped off food, donated to our charity fundraising page in Leo’s memory and just were here for us.
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I remember speaking to an amazing woman a few days after we lost Leo, who had written so eloquently about her experience with losing her son. She said ‘the grief will always be with you, but it does get lighter with time.’ Then, I couldn’t see how that was possible, the grief was consuming and felt infinite. However, now I find those words resonate so well and I have found that light and happiness in life again. Leo has taught us so much about life and he will always be a part of our family.

I am extremely grateful and lucky to be blessed with a beautiful and healthy daughter.  I know this isn’t the case for every family. My second pregnancy was mentally challenging and I was on bedrest from 8 weeks. I was lucky to be looked after by an amazing Consultant who had been with us through losing Leo.

I found a few things helped me along the way, in addition to having therapy. I wrote almost daily. I haven’t gone back to my diaries yet as I think it is too raw but I found it very therapeutic. I had a vision board on my bathroom mirror where I had written positive milestones in relation to my pregnancy and beyond. I also had my favourite crystal bracelet that says ‘I can’ made for me by a friend.

Leo died two days after BLAW so it is always a time I dread, but the day comes and my husband and I always choose to do something together to celebrate and remember him.

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