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This blog post discusses topics such as mental health illness and eating disorders which could be uncomfortable or triggering for some people. If you find the subjects in this article difficult to deal with please make sure that you share how you feel with someone. You can find support at BEAT, Mind and similar charities or by visiting your GP. Eating disorders and mental illnesses thrive in secrecy, don’t be afraid to reach out if you’re struggling,

I found out I was pregnant really early on (4w); I had been experiencing bad pain in my back, what felt like terrible period cramps and an underlying feeling of nausea for a few weeks before I took a test. Even then I was shocked at the positive result and spent weeks not truly believing it.

I had never been one of those people who wanted to be a mother. Growing up I wanted to be an actress, this involved a ‘no strings attached’ kind of life, so marriage and kids was something I’d never really considered or particularly craved. As I got older, I met my husband, fell in love and got married but a child still wasn’t on our agenda. Deciding to have a baby was a decision and a big one at that. My past struggles with mental health illnesses and eating disorders made me fearful; I thought I may not be able to have children because of everything that my body had been through & morally part of me felt like I shouldn’t even if I could, just in case I passed on my “bad DNA” to my child. We talked about it and weighed it out for a long time but it came back to the fact that we wanted to have someone who was ours. So, despite the pandemic of 2020 I took my implant out and by October I was staring down at 3 positive pregnancy tests.

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