How to overcome ‘mom guilt’

Oh mom guilt: a topic that is one of my favs, not because I enjoy it in any way, shape or form, but because I know how important it is to understand it and talk through it and get a handle on it if you want to become a better time momager, if you want to feel good so you can do good, if you want to live your best freaking life.

Now, let’s just start by acknowledging mom guilt is a thing we’re aware of, a person we’re acquainted with, a feeling we have all felt , probably more than we’ve wanted to. #amirite? We’re all on this mom life journey together and mom guilt seems to come along for the ride, even though she is totally uninvited.

Mom guilt arrives wearing chunky, clunky jewellery when our babies are born and we’re trying to keep the house quiet and calm. She walks around in those obnoxious, hideous heels. Yes, even in our homes, where we don’t allow shoes, and she’s loud, rude and crazy while we’re just trying to figure out this postpartum thing and survive as new moms, not sleeping and trying not to cry all day every day.

Then, once our hormones go back to normal, and we’re better equipped to tame her a bit, maybe convince her to take off her shoes and bangle bracelets, what happens? Our maternity leave is up and we’re heading back to work. So, mom guilt puts a framed picture of herself on our desks, as a consistent reminder she’s there.

When we’ve been able to get back into the swing of things at work and have covered that photo with our family’s adorable holiday card, we take a deep breath and realize we’ve forgotten entirely about ourselves. We’ve been so caught up getting in the swing of being a working mom, and now we have no idea what a hobby even is. So, we decide we’re going to do something for ourselves. But, as soon as we take out our phones to schedule those plans, mom guilt’s number is on the screen. She’s calling, texting, What’s Apping you all the reasons why that’s probably not a good idea.

It feels like as moms, especially working moms, mom guilt is always there, even when you think you have it all under control. Mom guilt can be a real B when it comes to being a mom and especially a working mom, disrupting MANY areas of your life.

In fact, I feel so strongly about the importance of overcoming mom guilt that I included an entire section in my Time MOMagement 4 week program on this topic. Why? Because guilt often stops you from doing what you want to do. Because guilt gets in the way of your happiness. Because guilt can be detrimental to how you’re showing up for your kids.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess if you’re reading this, your ultimate goal in life is to be a good mom. What if I told you, you were sabotaging that with your mom guilt? You were not showing up as the parent, the mom, the wife, the you you dream of being because you’re letting your guilt get in the way.

Let’s start with this realization. Mom guilt comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s not just about spending time with your kids or being the Pinterest crafty mom or room mom or PTA mom. Guilt affects us in many different areas of our lives. It can be guilt that you’re not performing at your job. You’re not the same employee who used to stay late every day or come in early or go to every happy hour and network, network, network. Maybe it’s wife guilt? You feel guilty you’re not giving your spouse enough attention or doing sweet things for them or cooking their favorite things. Or maybe the biggest one of all—guilt for you. You feel guilty doing anything for yourself. Like spending money on yourself, taking time to get your nails done, leaving the kids at home to go for a walk alone—not pushing a stroller, investing in your own development, reading this post?

Mom guilt goes hand in hand with time management because guilt stops us. Guilt stops us from committing to change. It stops us from doing things. It stops us from keeping up with things. Guilt is real b*tch. So, it is equally as important to learn how to manage your guilt as it is to learn how to manage your time. Because you can do all the things when it comes to time management. You can get the right system. You can commit to your goals. You can organize your life to a T. You can be flexible AF when life gets in the way. You can do it all right, but if you don’t know how to manage your guilt, you will inevitably let go of all that. You will let that one feeling get in the way of ALL the work you’ve already done. Can you even imagine? The time, the money, the energy, the planning, all of that will be worthless if you can’t get a handle on your guilt. And this is something we dive into quite a bit of this stuff in our 4 week Time Momagement program.

So, what can you do to combat this feeling, to minimize it, so it’s not getting in your way when it comes to managing your time?

I won’t draw this post out with story after story of my own personal experience with mom guilt. You can find many in my book Time Momagement: How to Get the Time You Need to Do the Things You Want. But, I will tell you this. The game changer for me and many moms in overcoming mom guilt is this: You do it for THEM. Let me explain.

There are a lot of ways you can manage guilt, but to me, this is by far the best one because I think we all strive in life to be the best possible mothers above anything and everything else we do. Think about it. When you are ultimately dead and someone is speaking your eulogy, what do you want them to say? “She was the hardest working nurse. She was the most successful coach. She ran that PTA like a boss.”? Or do you want them to say, “She was the best mom in the world. She did an incredible job raising her son or raising her daughter. She embodied everything she taught her kids.”?

While you can want to be successful in your career and in other areas of life, chances are you value being a mom above all those things. This doesn’t mean you forget about yourself. It means it’s your motivation to get this sh*t under control.

Here’s what I mean…

You can tell your kids to love themselves until you’re blue in the face. You can yell it at them after telling them 100x in a normal parent voice. You can tell them every day and every night. You can even ask them to repeat it back to you. But, unless you’re setting that example of loving yourself, of treating yourself with that level of respect, of living your best life, you cannot count on them actually doing it. In fact, you look like a hypocrite! YOU need to set the right example. And the way you do this, is not letting your guilt get in the way of you living your best life, of you spending your time in ways that makes you feel good.

So, how do you do this?

• You choose what you do with your time with intention—you have control over it.
• You prioritize things that are important to you.
• You don’t act resentful about not doing things you love, because you ultimately can change that.
• Ultimately, you set the right example, you practice what you preach, you embody how you’re telling those little people to live, by investing in yourself.

When you stop and think about it from the perspective of modelling how you want your kids to live their lives, how you want them to love themselves as much you love them, you realize, you’re ultimately doing this for them. You managing your time, your life, your priorities in a way that models that YOU get to decide how you spend it is parenting in an exemplary way. By you not letting guilt stop you and by you showing them that spending time on things that brings you JOY, things that fulfil you, that help you grow and be healthy and happy, even during seasons where it may not feel possible, is teaching them to do the same.

There are lots of ways to invest in yourself. You’re reading this right now. You’re taking time to learn and grow. You want to be the best version of yourself and just by dedicating these few minutes, you’re taking steps to do that. Now, if this is something you are serious about and you want to take further action, further steps, further strides on this journey of living your best freaking life, of overcoming mom guilt, of being the ultimate Time MOMager and Guilt MOMager, I need to tell you about how you can do that in the Time MOMagement 4 week program.

This program is made for moms just like you, moms who feel overwhelmed by the daily grind and are just going through the motions, moms who are committed to regaining control of their time, schedule and life, moms who are ready to level up their mindset, systems and lifestyle, moms who want to stop ending each day feeling exhausted and defeated and instead go to sleep feeling satisfied, accomplished, proud, and excited for the day ahead. This experience is designed to be completed over 4 weeks and during that time you gain access to weekly training videos to guide you along the path toward organizing your schedule, prioritizing what matters and ultimately living your best life. To really customize the content and apply it to your life, you’re going to receive resources and, what I like to call, Timework, where you take what you’ve learned and put it into action. You implement small changes into your life and start to see immediate results. Because I also know, as busy moms, it can be hard to stay focused and accountable when you sign up for programs like these, I ensure I’m checking in with you daily. I share additional tips, strategies and support so you stay on track and end this program just as strong as when you start it. This is not the type of course you sign up for that falls to the wayside after a week or two. You are in it to win it.

What do you think, mama? Are you in? Do you want to stop letting that mom guilt get in the way of all the things you want to do? Do you want to stop letting her stomp all over your clean floors? Or sing your favorite song off tune when you’re trying to just rock out and karaoke that sh*t on your own? Do you want to enjoy life without the constant reminder that you probably should be doing something else right now? Yes, please! Let’s go—I’ve got limited availability and a spot with your name on it. Save your seat today so we can get started on this journey toward making you a Time MOMager.